you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
