i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
