Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
