5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
