Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
