Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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