does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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