If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
