Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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