I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
