I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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