I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my liver is dry heaving
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
