lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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