Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
