i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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