dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
