oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
