you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
