found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
