it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
