My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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