Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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