Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
