This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
