Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
