I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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