Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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