Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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