I'm lost and stupid without you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
