your thong is hanging out like whoa
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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