On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
