Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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