This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
