Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
