She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
