umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
