Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
