im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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