so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
