Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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