i need an iv and a liver transplant
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
