@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My pussy is not your playground.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
