the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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