We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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