Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
