I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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