I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
