please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Damn victory sex feels great
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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