Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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