FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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