Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
