Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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