I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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