he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
