I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
