I hate all girls vehemently.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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