My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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