I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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