We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
