dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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