I heard we made out
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
