I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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