Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
