She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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