Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
