before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
