You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
