So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
