Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
