I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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