Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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