I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize