Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
