It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
