This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
