every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
