All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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