my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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