made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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