He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
