Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
