Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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