do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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