there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
