if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
