the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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