I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
