i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
