We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
