You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
