At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
