I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
